From the Victorian era, the sexual needs of men have been acknowledged and accepted. This was the era when sex was considered as a means to produce children only. Any sexual act between husband and wife after making babies was considered a sin. Yet, it was completely acceptable for men to turn to a mistress for sex to leave their wives ‘pure’. Well, the funny part is that in spite of the fact that we have become so modern with our thought process, society still has not come to the point where there is acceptance towards open discussions about sexuality, especially about sexual desires of women.
Since the face of humanity, there is the existence of both man and woman. Yet, society considers women expressing their sexual needs a taboo. Media uses sexuality for promotions, for more coverage. Women are supposed to pose in sensuously to further aid media. However, the moment they want to talk about their sexuality and needs is the one where the debate begins. The whole concept seems ridiculous. It is as if society is very blatantly using circumstances to its advantage.
Objectification of women-
He pushed me on the mattress,
his hands were exploring, exploiting me,
using me for his needs.
I was merely an object.
The means to fulfil his desire.
The way to his pleasure.
Is that my only role?
I couldn’t know for sure.
My mother said that,
it is my destiny.
My friends told me,
it is their destiny too.
Is it every woman’s destiny?
Her entire being is reduced to an object.
Her entire life is directed to be a means.
Her needs are put behind a curtain.
Her needs are considered taboo.
She is looking for answers.
She does not want to dominate.
She is just asking for her rightful place.
It was like his and her life,
Were on weighing scale.
It never reached the balance point.
Did it? Will it?
The socialisation of years has led to the current scenario of society. It will be years before we reach a place of equilibrium. The question is, how many of us really want that? how many of us are rational enough to think about equality?
Quoting Kamala Das:
Be wife, they said. Be embroiderer, be cook,
Be a quarreller with servants. Fit in. Oh,
Belong, cried the categorizers. Don’t sit
On walls or peep in through our lace-draped windows.
Be Amy, or be Kamala. Or, better
Still, be Madhavikutty.”
That is her fate. This is what society wants. A community where she is just a she. And that is all.
Well, you might find it strange but even today there aren’t enough people who stand for this cause. There are men out there suppressing women, and women out there who want to submit. It’s not the individual mindset, it’s society at large which needs to change.
There are miles to go and then keep going on.
I wish for a place more beautiful and less wan.